Love & violence.

I was…and am I huge fan of Sons of Anarchy. I  watched the first episode and was hooked right though to the end.

It was a violent TV show. There is no getting away from that. With all the love stories, all the camaraderie…there it was…violence.

It made me wonder. What made me keep watching? Yes the scripts were incredible. The characters mind blowing. The performances…at times there were no words for how good the acting was, but these were violent people living violent lives. So what was it that drew me to this series?

I think I have figured it out.

They did at times what deep, deep inside I wanted to do. We all want to be good. We all to be humane. We all want to take the high road…most of the time.

But there are times when we want to take the other road. We think don’t do it. But…oh my God how we want to. We want to inflect pain. We want to take our pain out on others. We want them to know…what they have done to us.

This violence lies in each of us. Some are just better at controlling it. Thankfully.

But there is always [I think] a moment where we would love to let loose without consequence.

So programmes like this…they let us let go with emotion, they let us revel a little in taking revenge.

It shocks me at times the violence I feel. Have always felt. Have always kept inside. Have never acted on.  But it is there…inside.

There was one character I identified with. Gemma. Gemma was a bitch. But she was I who I wanted to be at times. When a boy broke my daughter’s heart or a friend caused my son to lose confidence I wanted to commit violence. I never did. Because that is not who I am. But I wanted to take them apart…piece by tiny piece. I know there is a blackbird perched outside my window often.

Gemma came to a sad end because she did what we do not do. She lost what it was to love, really love and except the consequences, which is what we do. That said…I still understand the violence of her feelings about protecting those she loved.

Katey  Sagal says how I feel how I never could…