Mammograms

Because sometimes we all need a giggle…my thanks to my friend for e-mailing me this. It sure made me laugh !!!

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While conducting some business   at the Courthouse, I overheard a lady,
Who had been arrested for assaulting a Mammogram Technician, say,
“Your Honor, I’m guilty but…..there were extenuating circumstances.”

The female Judge said, sarcastically, “I’d certainly like to hear
Those extenuating circumstances.” I did too, soooo…… I listened as
The lady told her story.

“Your Honour, I had a mammogram appointment, which I actually kept.
I was met by this perky little clipboard carrier smiling from ear to
ear and she tilted her head to one side and crooned, “Hi! I’m Belinda!
All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the
waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?”

I’m thinking, “Belinda, try decaf. This isn’t rocket science.”
Belinda then skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the
left and said, “Hmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean
in a tad so we can get everything?”

“Fine,” I answered.

I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining
circulation in my legs and neck to finish me off? My body was in a
holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other breast wedged
between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when I heard and felt
a zap!

Complete darkness, the power was off!

Belinda said, “Uh-oh, maintenance is working, bet they hit a snag.”
Then she headed for the door.

“Excuse me! You’re not leaving me in this vice alone are you?” I shouted.

Belinda kept going and said, “Oh, you fussy puppy… The door’s wide open
so you’ll have the emergency hall lights. I’ll be right back.”

Before I could shout NOOOO! She disappeared. And that’s exactly how
Bubba and Earl, “maintenance men extraordinaire,” found me…standing
on my tip-toes, half-naked with part of me dangling from the Jaws of
Life and the other part smashed between glass!

After exchanging a polite hi, how’s it going type greeting, Bubba (or
possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.

Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as
possible, “Uh, yes, I did, but thanks anyway.”

“OK, you take care now,” Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I’d been standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, “Oh I am sooo sorry!
The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I
went to lunch. Are we upset?”

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps….”

The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said “Case Dismissed”.