darkness shrouds the bleached square
my mirror image like the inside curve of a wave,
slashes of silver, running, spiralling together, complex,
to raise the dourest of spirits
your incessant babble flies over the ground
no sound, no imprint in the earth,
I see the moon begin to rise
a city shimmers, moonbeams bouncing into the air
no tender traits, yet a softness under the night sky
dust flows upon the earth,
fog circles a clandestine realm
each face a portrait of home
keep your thoughts inside
flailing to gain silence,
before the sun rises
thoughts light the surface
gives way to its zenith,
smaller pinnacles of molten fire under my skin prickle
a deep pain
my turbulent mind bursting into the open,
a flaming light springing luminous scarlet and gold,
spreading a dreadful screeching.
gusts of air knocking me
my rage is palpable,
I have failed you tearing at me,
I am falling,
an intense cry reaches into my heart,
slows its beating
its echo waits to claim me.
This is a ‘redactive poem’ taken from a chapter of my own work. I chose to leave out the ‘erased’ parts which many do leave in. Here below is a screenshot of what my page looked like.
Powerful writing, Jo.
Thank you Sylvia. It is actually a ‘redacted poem’ from my novel. I have had trouble getting involved with it. So I decided to try any way possible to get caught up in it again. I am going through the chapters and…erasing parts of them…trying to reduce each chapter to a poem. Maybe this will work to get me involved in it again. This was from CHAPTER 1.
That sounds like an excellent idea. I was hoping it wasn’t a terrible nightmare that you had last night. 🙂
No…not this time, but one nightmare I am actually working on. It was all about death [a person, rather a good looking person actually], and a train taking me there.
Now this is the sort of work I’d like to talk about. Very powerful, complex and intriguing. Keep it coming!
Now Gilly…what will you say when I tell you it is a redacted poem from The Novel ? Apparently redacted or erased poems are quite the thing, but I struggled with using someone else’s words. My way around this was to use my own. And I gave the whole use everything and show the blacked out piece the flick…looked silly to me.
Well you never cease to amaze me, it’s absolutley brilliant and now I need to read The Novel so get it finished soon -says me who’s way behind!
and I wouldn’t be able to use someone else’s work either – unless it was a joint shared project maybe.
That would actually be rather a novel idea Gilly. Maybe do a swap with someone. It would be interesting to see what another person would pick out in comparison to what you yourself would pick. Want to give it a go ??? I could send you another chapter…let you pick out a poem. I could do the same…see where we end up. Interested ????
Goodness, I’m really very flattered Jo, but your standard of writing and editing is way above mine, and that’s not just me poo pooing my work, you’re very experienced. Plus I can only write very simple poetry. It’s tempting but I wouldn’t want to disappoint you.
Oh wow…Gilly you don’t see the greatness you have dear lady. You would never disappoint me. Please be tempted. Pretty please !!!!!!!!!!!!
Awesome. Innovative. I love the imagery. 🙂
Thanks. So glad you like it.
Wow! That is excellent.
Thanks Al. That means a lot coming from you.
🙂 You’re welcome Jo
Touching…. no sound, no imprint in the earth,
I see the moon begin to rise, beautiful!
Thank you Amy…it really makes my day you think it is ‘beautiful’, so thank you !!!
what an unique piece Jo…. and a novel way of resurrecting it .. Interesting and caught the imagination… 🙂 Enjoy your weekend.. xxx Sue x
Thanks Sue. I saw it on the web, and thought I would give it a try. Hoping it gets the creativity flowing again.
Wonderful imagery – felt like it was exposing loss – if that isn’t too pretentious!
Nope…it was. Both in the novel story itself, and in the poem. The loss of my creativity right now.
Very powerful and packed with emotion … this poem moves mountains, Jo … Love, cat.
Thank you Cat, from you that means a heck of a lot.
A very interesting concept, and a great way to ‘see’ your work from a different perspective.
That’s what I was hoping for…maybe get me back in to it.
Very impressive Jo!! That random words picked out of a novel can come together to form such a powerful, evocative poem is mind boggling to me!
I wasn’t sure it would work. Especially as it was so unlike writing a normal poem, where you begin with an idea you want to convey. This just formed itself, which was both grand and unnerving.
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