Marriage  (Part I )
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he
laid down the following rules: ‘I’ll be home when I want, if I want and at what time
I want — and I don’t expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won’t be home for dinner. I’ll  go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies, and don’t you give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules.  Any comments?’
His new bride said: ‘No, that’s fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o’clock every night….whether you’re here or not.’ (DARN SHE’S GOOD!)
Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells, ‘When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads, Here Lies My Wife — Cold As Ever!’
”Yeah?’ she replies. ‘When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads, ‘Here Lies My Husband — Stiff At Last’!’ (HE ASKED FOR IT!)
Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, ‘And you are no good in bed either,’ and storms out of the house. After some time he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says,
‘What took you so long to answer to the phone?’
She says, ‘I was in bed.’
‘In bed this early, doing what?’ he asks.
‘Getting a second opinion!’ (YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)


Marriage (Part IV)

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, ‘Mother of Six’, in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party.  The man decides that it is time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, ‘Shall we go home, Mother of Six?’ His wife, irritated by her husband’s lack of discretion, shouts right back, ‘Any time you’re ready, Father of Four.’


A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, ‘Please wake me at 5:00 AM.’ He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn’t wakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, ‘It is 5:00 AM.  Wake up.’

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.


GOD may have created man before woman, but there
is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
Thanks to my friend Celia – who ALWAYS sends me great e-mails like this one !!!
Keep ’em coming PLEASE !!!!


    1. I can only claim pilfering credit on this one…pinched it from an e-mail a friend sent me…though the photo is a different matter altogether…


  1. Part V, the Rebuttal

    Early in my Pirate days I was married to a beautiful wench. She was always happy with my Pirates ways when we were dating, but after we were married, she wanted me to act like a land lubber. After years of listening to her demands that I change, she finally laid down an ultimatum, “If you don’t stop acting like a Pirate, I’m going to cut you off”

    I just laughed, which made her angrier and said “you can’t, you don’t know where I’m getting it”. 🙂

    God I miss her.


  2. Sounds like 5 men who had Momma’s that never taught them that the woman is ALWAYS right … at least if they want piece, that is. 😉 Woops, I meant, peace.


  3. “GOD may have created man before woman, but there
    is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.”

    Naw, Jo, you don’t have to humor ’em.

    We know the reason women are eons ahead of men is because
    GOD made us women before the men. After all she made us in HER image….LOL!

    Not our fault that the men who did the recording got the story wrong, by turning HERstory into a HIStory 😀

    Heh, heh, heh…wouldn’t this explain SO many a thing?


  4. I love jokes! Maybe you’ve heard this one. A bank robber goes into a bank and starts shooting up the place, yelling “Get on the floor and don’t look at me!” After he gets his bag of loot, he realizes that the security guard got a good look at him and he shoots him. Then he catches a teller looking at him and he shoots at her. He then yells, “Did anybody else look at me.” One man raises his hand and says, “I think my wife got a peek at you!”


  5. LOL those are GREAT! 😀 Okay, I have one for you.

    Remember lifesavers candy? The little round hard candies with the hole in the center? One day, a teacher brought some to class and handed them out to the students.
    The children began to identify the flavors by their color:
    Orange ……………Orange
    Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers. None of the children could identify the taste.

    The teacher said, ‘I will give you all a clue. It’s what your mother may sometimes call your father.’ One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled, ‘Oh my God! They’re ass-holes!’

    The teacher had to leave the room!


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