In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and
spinach, with green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds so Man and Woman
would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God’s bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Ice Cream and Magnums.
And Satan said, ‘You want hot fudge with that? And Man said, ‘Yes!’ And
Woman said, ‘I’ll have one too with chocolate chips’. And they gained 10

And God created the healthy yoghurt so that Woman might keep the figure that
Man found so fair.

And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane
and combined them.

And Woman went from size 12 to size 14.

So God said, ‘Try my fresh green salad’.

And Satan presented Blue Cheese
dressing and garlic croutons on the side.

And Man and Woman unfastened their
belts following the repast.

God then said ‘I have sent you healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to
cook them’.

And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut king prawns, butter-dipped
lobster chunks and chicken fried steak, so big it needed its own platter,
and Man’s cholesterol went through the roof.

Then God brought forth the potato; naturally low in fat and brimming with
potassium and good nutrition.

Then Satan peeled off the healthy skin and sliced the starchy centre into
chips and deep-fried them in animal fats adding copious quantities of salt
and sugar.

And Man put on more pounds. God then brought forth running shoes
so that his Children might lose those extra pounds.

And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man would not
have to toil changing the channels.

And Man and Woman laughed and cried
before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.

Then God gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still
satisfy his appetite.

And Satan created McDonalds and the 99p double Big Mac cheeseburger.

Satan said ‘You want fries with that?’ and Man replied,’Yes, with catchup
and super size ’em’.

And Satan said, ‘It is good.’ And Man and Woman went
into cardiac arrest.

God sighed………and created quadruple by-pass surgery.
And then…………Satan chuckled and created the National Health Service.

After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here’s the final word
on nutrition and health:

1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than
4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart
attacks than us.
5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer
heart attacks than us 6. The French eat foie-Gras, full fat cheese and drink
red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what
kills you.


  1. As a type 2 diabetic, my arms have been stretched almost to the breaking point by the God vs, Satan tug-of-war portrayed out in your post. With any luck at all though, my hysterical laughter from reading it will shift the scales in my favor just a little! 😀


  2. Now I understand why we were taught a second language when we were in school… it was to protect us from the effects of English!


  3. I agree you should eat what you like, but there are LIMITS! Beauty stems from the center, but you want to live long enough for someone to recognize that fact, right?
    By the way, your blog rocks, young lady!


  4. It’s not the language of English that kills us, it’s the land the English speakers live on, that’s why I live on a boat. The waters safe! I eat lots of foods that aren’t supposed to be good for me, but I keep my girlish figure by eating them in moderation, plus, I get plenty of exercise by jumping to conclusions and running off at the mouth. Works for me! 😉


  5. Oh Jo… so loved this post.. and it made my own pinch and inch lol look pathetic as I looked at the Four bathing Beauties for the heavy wieght diving competition lol.. So good to know I eat a healthy-ish diet.. and I can now indulge on my mid-morning homemade scone with a cuppa. 🙂 In the knowledge we have the NHS.. 🙂


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