The pussies are taking over…

My life is ruled by animals.

Yep.

The demented fox terrier.

Two cats.

Plus one NOISY cockatiel.

Today I wish to discuss the cats.

Actually 1 cat – JACK.

Jack arrived seven years ago – technically she is my son’s cat. But the New Zealand Navy are not all that keen for him to take her along on sea voyages.

Jack was meant to be a male. Two tiny black furry bundles were brought around by a friend for the son to choose.

He choose the male – which was too young at the time, so two weeks later said black, purring kitty was delivered.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh – so cute.

The vet had to pick himself off the floor from laughing his arse off, when I took Jack along for a check up and asked about getting his balls seen to.

Balls – who needs balls I say ??

Jack was a Jackie.

Jack is a big cat.

She is a grumpy cat.

I had never heard a cat growl before.

Not a hiss, but a deep throaty, don’t mess with me or I’ll take your finger off growl.

She is not a snuggler, unless it is on her terms.

But our Jack is a very clever cat.

And at times annoying.

Take the early morning at my house.

Very early – dark and cold early.

Jack jumps up on to the chest of drawers beside my bed.

In doing so she’d make a racket, and meow. If this however, was not enough to get me vertical, Jack stepped up her game.

She’d jump from the chest of drawers on to the bed beside me, meow,  then jump back on the chest.

This action she’d repeat a few times, the meows getting louder, and more persistent.

Our Jack is also a thinker and a planner.

If these moves didn’t get me moving she adjusted her game plan.

Things (jewellery boxes, books, pens, glasses of water), would all start to fly off the chest of drawers on to the floor. Methodically.

She’d start little – first the pen would go, then she waited. And stared – it may be dark people but I saw those yellow eyes glowing with determination. Then a book, and an “I can keep this up for hours” meow followed by a jewellery box. The glass of water was always her last resort.

No – I don’t have a cat door. And there is a VERY good reason for that.

THE DEMENTED FOX TERRIER.

You see the DFT is a qualified Olympic medal winning jumper, and Houdini in one tiny teeny body.

Oh yes she is !!!

Pole jumps over the fence.

And she fits through a cat door.

Back to Jack in a minute.

But first Charlie.

Charlie is a snuggler. He snuggles on the bed at night. If it gets cold he paces beside my head until I lift the duvet. Once it’s in the air, under he goes. Charlie then does a 180 and lays down with one front leg dangling over my arm, and his head resting on top.

Yep – the baby of the family is a snuggler.

At the moment Jack arrives, Charlie is up.

“Me too, me too, me too,'” he says. All the while staring up at Jack on the chest of drawers.

Lately though Jack has learnt a new trick.

She can open windows. Oh yes she can !!!

Behind the chest of drawers is my window out on to the deck, where a chair has been conveniently placed to assist the pussies in their comings and goings during the day.

Jack has recently figured out that if she patiently sits and flicks with her paw – eventually the latch rises enough that “whallah” an open sesame moment occurs.

She then head butts the glass – until “whallah again” the window flies completely open (I made the mistake of WD 40’ing the catches when they got a bit stiff), and to use an Aussie expression – ‘Bob’s your uncle’.

Hot on her trail as she flies out the window is “me too, me too, me too” Charlie.

This may well seem like the ideal solution. But NO !!!!

Because now she knows she can open the window – it’s open slather any time of the night and day. And it’s WINTER here. So I have to get up and shut the window in the dark, and cold – not how I like to spend my nights.

Going out in the day for me can be a problem, as during winter  – well our Jack is a creature of comfort and likes to be toasty warm when the wind blows. But – should she decide she needs the great outdoors – straight to the window she heads.

Burglars – “Why don’t you just come in and help yourselves. The old lady has too much stuff anyways…”

And this comfort loving grumpy cat doesn’t stay out for long in winter – so it is to claws raking down the glass that I am later again hauled out of my warm bed to let her majesty back in.

Like I said – animals rule in this house.

But if this keeps up – there is going to be a revolution. And the pussies are going down people.

Pussy power is on its way out.

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Author: Jo Bryant

I was born in the land of Banjo Paterson, gum trees, and weather extremes. I am a freelance writer. I live in the Bay of Plenty, New Zealand, but still like to claim my Australian heritage. I graduated with a Bachelor of Communications in 2008. I am writing my first novel. I love to write poetry, short stories, and also write for the web. And there is nothing that is on a par with a sunny summer's day spent at Waihi Beach.

68 thoughts on “The pussies are taking over…”

    1. Female DP – female. Don’t make her any grumpier than she already is. 😉
      She is a big girl – yet until she was about 3 or 4 she was really long and lean. But for all that – I love my big grumpy girl.

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  1. This is a great posting of all your lovely pets, I especially like
    the animated one’s that you have chosen to compliment your
    wicked posting 🙂 It is all rather excellent and thank you for a
    delightfully sensational read 🙂

    BTW – ON MY SPCE . . .

    You girls need to backtrack a little to June 27th
    for your HUNKS of DELIGHT… Just click back
    to that date on the calendar, and hopefully you
    will enjoy that a little, well it is worth a try? 🙂

    Have fun backtracking now 😉 lol

    Androgoth XXx

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  2. Jo will you please stop it?! I’ve pissed my sides all the way through this post from start to finish and now my ribs ache. I loved the pics and your stories – you’re great. Actually – don’t stop it ‘cos you brighten up my day and really make me laugh outloud.
    We had a cat called Thomas when I was in my teens. Until Thomas had kittens, then we realised she was a he. I also remember from my teens our Cavalier King Charles being humped by an alsation (not sure I spelt that right) and having to get the vet in with the morning after pill – heaven knows what the potential pups would have looked like (that’s if she could get them out…)
    Hope I made you laugh as much as you make me laugh! You’re a bad influence 😉 but I like it!!!

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      1. Oh I’d like to have seen your face when Thomas went into labour. Hehehehe 😉 Yes you certainly made me laugh. You always do. Hope you weren’t sitting on anything expensive when you pissed yourself…hehehehehehe.

        Sorry but you asked for that 😉
        Now you just go and have as many blondes moments as you like.
        I do all the time. 🙂

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  3. Oh I love Jack..we had a cat like him once that my father called cassius.. he would be appalled now to think that this would be misinterpreted.. how times have changed.. that cat used to hide under the telephone table and ambush dad all the time.. only dad.. maybe he knew something! .. c

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  4. Cats are way too smart for their own good, or ours. Bastian is ever curious, and wants to look inside each cabinet. He tries this everyday, in case something changed while he slept. Because it’s a boat, the cabinets have very strong catches, so they don’t open at sea. Bastian taught himself to stand on his hind legs, place his left paw on the left cabinet door, then turn his right paw sideways to hook the finger pull and pull the door open. I got wise to his antics, so I put big pieces of tape across the tops and bottoms of both sides of each cabinet, so he couldn’t open them. It took him one day to get wise to my antics, so now he peels the tape off the top and bottom of each cabinet, ‘then’ opens them as usual. I might as well just teach him to drive the boat, so I can sit on the bow with a cocktail. 🙂

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    1. Oh God that sounds like Charlie. Maybe it’s a male thing. He opens all my kitchen cupboards plus the two hutches. One has doors that are quite hard but he manages it. Every morning when I go out to feed them, I have to close doors as I go. Yesterday morning I found he had finally climbed up to the glass doors on the top of one of the hutches and opened that as well. Worryng as it contains ALL my glassware, and he likes to roam around inside the cupboards he opens.
      Good thing Bastian and Charlie live on different continents – imagine the trouble they could cause together. 🙂
      driving cat

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          1. You did in fact, outdo yourself on that reply. And really… yes, really. You are as much trouble as I am. The two of us in one location, would be like playing with matches in a gasoline plant. Oh sure, the colors would be pretty, but ohhh.. the devastation we would cause. 🙂

            Owners was simply a figure of speech. Dogs have owners, cats have staff. 🙂

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  5. yes, pretty colors. hahahahha
    I read this before, but forgot to comment? I don’t bother to shut my cabinets. There is no point. Otherwise I will hear an endless bang,bang,bang as Pooh pulls it open but not far enough to stay open. Little Girl prefers to sleep next to the pans. Shes the only one who goes on the table. Its funny on the rare occasion my mom visits. We sit at the table talking, Littlegirl makes herself at home, I move my plate over to make room for her. My mom seeths with outrage at the notion of a cat on the table but she is too polite to say so. Little girl must know this, she always table walks right up to her.

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    1. Hahahahahaha.
      I love Little Girl.
      Both mine are table, bench, bed, whatever hoggers – I can see other people freaking out when they visit – but trying to act as if nothing is wrong. I’ve once or twice found the DFT on the table when a chair was left out a bit and something yummy left on the table.

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      1. Somewhere in the blogosphere I read a story about the family dog up on the table eating the thanksgiving turkey. It was their only turkey at a family gathering so they just wiped it off and served it without telling anyone. Im almost thinking, was it Optymysts blog? hmm a long time ago, but the story, whoever wrote it stuck with me.

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        1. There is a Kevin Costner movie called The Upside of Anger that has a scene where the dog eats some of the chicken from dinner, they wipe it off and serve it up anyway.
          This isn’t the clip – I couldn’t find it but anywho – it is from the movie – brilliant movie.
          And I KNOW you will LOVE this clip…
          1

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          1. have you seen Jack Nicholson singing ‘I feel pretty’ from the sound of music? movie: anger managment.

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      1. oh no! Never stealth. In the never ending job of pushing buttons one must keep head and tail erect. But walk slowly so everyone has a chance to notice you. Though Im sure Bastians manner of walking is more refined, and…….
        HEY!! I just thought of something! Do you think that the cats have sea legs? Do they swagger like navy men when they get on solid ground? They are on that ship 24/7 right?

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        1. I’m sure Bastian would – Lyra is too much a lady I think for that – I imagine her swaying seductively from side to side weaving a spell around all who board said pirate ship.

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          1. As yes, they are in sooth aboard this mighty ship 24/7. On the (rare) occasion that their feline presence is required ashore, they are carried in splendor by an able servant (you might call me Cap’n). Lyra is more demure than seductive, but she has been know to bat a lash or two at those she deigns to gift with her presence. Bastian’s needs are more base, and those that willingly lower themselves to knee and palm, so that they may wrestle, play and attack this black knight in armored fur, are deemed worthy of his attention. Others fall his yellow gaze of contempt.
            It is a joy, if but a fearful one, to see the aforementioned rulers of their furry kingdom, sitting precariously astride the gunwale of the ship, pretty feet and retracted claws a mere 6′ from the placid waters below, though they hang half over the edge, as they gaze and dream of fish. Those who dare to board, must first pass the gauntlet of rubbing leg, raised tail and pink nose inquisition. Those who fail to pass muster are sent back to shore with growls and looks of furry disdain. If you are deemed worthy (and once so deemed, does not guarantee repeated occurrences) you are allowed below, where you are expected to graciously thank them for their generosity by constant and rapt attention to their needs and whims.

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          2. As they both expect their justly deserved constant and rapt attention, you must have your hands full. I can picture you navigating the narrow confines of a walkway with gear draped all in your arms, while trying to navigate said gauntlet.

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  6. Loved this entry Jo.. And having cats that owned me once upon a time… One was 21 and the other was 14… I know all their tricks of the trade…. and they ruled us too.. So hope the Revolution goes well 🙂 😀

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    1. Not likely. As we speak The Grumpy Cat is doing her opening the window trick, and Mr me too, me too, me too, is standing by on the floor pretending to be a meercat in waiting. yep – its open and they are both outta here. The DFT thinks its too cold so she is snuggled under the duvet. 🙂 I don’t stand a chance. 🙂

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    2. Wow, Sue–21 and 14. You must take extremely good care of your animals. The oldest I had was 16, and he was amazing. Blind for his last 2 years but you wouldn’t know it; I didn’t for a long time. Hope you still have feline friends as they do enhance our lives (while destroying the furniture).

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    1. I want to know – so go back to your own blog and tell me if I got it or not !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      Don’t come back til you do woman !!!!!!!!!!!!!
      I’m serious here…
      And you know what I am talking about…

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  7. LOL this was SO worth reading! 😀 NOW I get it (about Jack’s name – funny, I have a male cat with the opposite problem of a female name but that’s a long story for later). Cats are so smart! Anyway, I loved reading this and the awesome pics and the comments were great, too. 🙂 I’m glad you pointed me back to this post. Thanks, Jo! And tell Her Majesty I said hi (although I secretly think Charlie is cuter…shhhh).

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  8. Jo–In my opinion you did NOT arrive too late to meet some guests at Susie’s party. Some of us crashed and are back the next day, me included. I’m hung over from all the fun (it was a fantastic idea to celebrate that way) but I did make some new friends. Including you, now. Glad you said hello even though you arrived fashionably late. I love cats (your blog name is excellent–didn’t know what I’d find) and Jack looks just like my old Woofer, who really was a male. I crack up at the fact you kept calling her Jack! That’s too funny. Your animated gifs are superb. Love the pushups. I’ll be doing an AmperArt piece (my ongoing project–http://amperart.com) on cats & dogs eventually. Subscribe now and you won’t miss it (it’s free). Read most of your posts. Very amusing. Love the huge closeup of Jack. What a gorgeous animal. Opens windows, eh?

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    1. Oh yes she does. It is now getting colder here again and the other night she was up to her old tricks. I thought I had her stumped by placing a pillow over the window latch. Huh !! Not true…she still managed to open the window. She just is Jack…too grumpy to be a Jackie. Glad to hear you liked the blog and the name. Life’s an illusion I fugure…no matter where you look. You just have to find the fantastic ones and jump in.

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  9. Yup … I traveled here from the Share Post. I’m real pleased I did. I adore the sagas of your pussies.
    I have 2 pussies that I really don’t want to say are super smart because might sound like a competition. However, they are really, really smart plus they’re twins. They do everything like human twins do. SHOCKING right ???
    Well … I suppose you can guess I found this story to be wonderful. I could go in and on when it comes to cats. : )

    Like

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