I see your eyes in the grasses
taste your smile in the sunlight
feel your touch in the freesias
but the stench of your death
drowns me in its selfishness
forgiveness
perhaps will come
when grief no longer
pelts at my skin
your heart stopped
and left mine dead
forgiveness
perhaps will come
you left
I ask you please…
leave
***
Submitted for Magpie Tales # 82
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Published by Jo Bryant
I was born in the land of Banjo Paterson, gum trees, and weather extremes.
I am a freelance photographer. I love to make images that make people happy. To capture forever a precious moment.
I am also a freelance writer/editor.
I live in the Bay of Plenty, New Zealand, but still like to claim my Australian heritage.
I graduated with a Bachelor of Communications in 2008.
I am writing my first novel.
I love to write poetry, short stories, and also write for the web.
And there is nothing that is on a par with a sunny summer's day spent at Waihi Beach.
View all posts by Jo Bryant
your heart stopped and left mine dead.
i love that line…
nice take maam!
JJRod’z
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Thank you – I am thrilled you liked that line. 🙂
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Those first five lines, so compelling! The rest did not let them down.
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Oh what a wonderful comment. Thank you 🙂
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These are heavy words. The anger and pain really poignant. Like a slap in the face. Excellent!
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Heavy words for a heavy subject – I am glad you felt the anger.
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what a conflict of emotions in this…thoughthatis what is mostly likely in that moment…nice and emotive…
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Thank you Brian – conflict is what I wanted to portray.
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Direct conflict potrayed here.
perhaps will come
when grief no longer
pelts at my skin
These lines caught my eyes. I could hear your words.
Wonderful!
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So glad you felt the conflict. And that you were drawn to those lines. I love it when I get your approval. Love it 🙂
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“Should I stay or should I go, now?” Love how this captures lover’s confusion.
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Thank you for saying how you read this. It always helps to know snother’s reaction to what you write. Did they get what you menat to portray?
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Wow! You’ve got the heart and soul of a poet, Jo!
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So glad you think so – I try. 😉
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Sigh… this got to me, Jo. A great piece.
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I like that type of reaction. Like it a lot.
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Powerful writing…
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Thank you for saying that you think so…
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beautiful build up of conflicts.
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I really appreciate your comment about this poem 🙂
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Jo,
Such an emotionally charged piece of writing. It gripped my attention.
Eileen
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Thank you Eileen for telling me that. I am so glad it did. 🙂
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Beautiful haunting poem and artwork!
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Thank you 🙂 I loved the painting.
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nice take on the prompt..”you left I ask you please leave” …love this
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Thank you – so happy you liked that – I was unsure of it at first. 🙂 Debated leaving it in.
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Blaming the dead for dying . . . yes, you’ve caught it. It happens.
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We do it all the time.
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A very deep and emotion bearing poem that oozes quality I rather like your style my friend, actually I have seen you posting many comments on our WordPress but this is my very first visit to your Space, however I will return here and view more of your work, explore your preceding poems and add my deliberations.
Do have a most exquisite rest of evening now, perhaps it is still early where you are and I will only know this for sure when I click ‘Post Comment’ so please forgive me if I have made an error in the time zones.
Androgoth
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So happy to see your gravatar amongst the comments. Love that you love MY style – such a wonderful compliment. Will with much anticipation await the return of you illustrious self…
🙂
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Thou art too kind my friend…
and indeed I will be returning to
your Space on the morrow to
learn more of your fine poetry,
and to take a browse into your
world of blogging…
Be well my friend…
Androgoth
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You too…
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Indeed I have made an error, and so I apologise for that my friend…
Androgoth
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Ahhhhhhh – no apologies are needed here. It would appear that we are half a day different.
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grasses, sunlight and freesias… you introduced this with such pretty things before busting out the bouncer skills:) sounds like a professional way to take someone out.
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Wow – wasn’t expecting that comment. LMAO here…
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I do like the beginning! I tripped over “in its selfishness” – The line might go without that, drowning could stand alone
and forgiveness could follow.Please forgive my stepping in with that, but the flow would be uninterrupted I think…thanks
for visiting and your poem!
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Your welcome. Glad you stopped by. Step in all you want. I love hearing what people think works, and what they think doesn’t. Comments like these go a ways in helping me improve my writing skills, so I am grateful for them. 🙂
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A touching piece… how anger becomes the stinging of grief, leading and lending into the aloneness.
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Thank you for saying so. 🙂
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your heart stopped
and left mine dead
What emotion is wrapped in those few simple words…
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Thank you. 🙂
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This is wonderful, Jo. The final lines captures perfectly how someone who is gone and whom we miss, nevertheless refuses to leave us. If they would, perhaps the pain would lessen…
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Thank you – if only we would let them go…
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I too have “successful” suicide in my life, twice, actually, and a several more in the longer often slower agonizing forms that addiction brings to families. I am sure with the way you addressed the topic that you are not merely observing the troubles of others in the way we can as creative writers. It is also what Revenants are about, this personal nature of the haunt.
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Thank you Christopher – funny – you are the first to well maybe not notice – but to speak of suicide, which is exactly what this poem is about. I am sorry that you have had to go through this. Once is damaging enough – but I can’t imagine how feel.
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Having worked with bereavement groups, I can really appreciate the sentiment you express in this poem. Alongside, or even instead of, sadness, there is anger at being left alone. Time does heal.
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Death is such a process for those who must work through it all. 🙂
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Fabulous writing. Compliments the image wonderfully!
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Thank you 🙂
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Terrific push/pull emotion.
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So glad you liked it.:)
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This is a quite lovely poem.
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Nice of you to say so…
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It’s hard to forgive a love for leaving….
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That is certainly a very real emotion after death…
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I absolutely loved your poem Jo and the artwork is amazing, really compliments it. Full of emotion and I can feel the anger/resentment from the person left behind. You’re awesome!
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Andre Wyeth painted this self-portrait in 1949 at the Olsen’s Homestead, where he painted ‘Christina’s World’, another masterpiece.
Thank you for being so kind with your comment.
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Powerful piece. Great work.
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Thank you so much. 🙂
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Wow, your poetry packs a punch…so powerful, sad but beautiful. It takes my breath, Jo. hugs, pat
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Pat – it means a lot to me that you like this. A lot !!
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Damn! That was on! I like the mixing of senses. It actually makes me dizzy. Brilliant!
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Thanks Cathy for saying that – what a wonderful comment to get. 🙂
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Really enjoyed this!!!!
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you are such a talent, glad to see you write magpie tale, and do beautiful job here.
Hohoho,
What charming poetry you have posted here.
Invite you to share 1 to 3 poems with us, anything could fit the theme of object,
Cheers.
Hope to see you in.
Happy Writing..
xoxox
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