What I learnt today from my junk mail box.

This is just some of the mail that gets filtered directly to my junk mail box.

Thought it might give you a laugh.

• Meet a lovely Russian woman today (do I need to learn the language?)
• Super quality wireless spy cameras (to spy on the lovely Russian woman?)
• Luck will knock at your door (with the spy camera maybe I can check it out first)
• Urgent. Return to school with a Grant. (I’d prefer to go with a Dean or a Sam maybe…)
• Win laser eye surgery (like I need to read better to see this shit)
• Meet me tonight (from Kelly !!!!!!!!!)
• Get up to $1,000 in as little as one hour. (can I have maybe $2,000 in 2 hours please?)
• Relax, your in the Bahamas (not the last time I checked. I think I would notice something like that – oh, maybe I do need the free laser eye surgery – AND IT’S YOU’RE, NOT YOUR !!!!!!!)
• Get the training you want as a pharmacy assistant (seeing as I can’t see all that well until I get the eye surgery, MAYBE I should pass on that)
• I tried to reach you (I’ve tried to reach me at times – let it go)
• On-line Pramacy 51% SALE (I think they started the sale early – only using 51% of the word.
• Jo, apply now and your in – US green card program (Oh dear – but I like NZ)
• Sexy and supportive bras (Who told you I need support?????)
• Right bra right attitude (Enough with discussing my sagging boobs)
• See your friends houses with google earth (creepy…but, hang on. Can I see inside and what they are up to ?)
• Hidden cameras (oh – maybe if I combine that with google earth)
• You’ve been selected (oh that happened long ago – that’s why I’m hiding out in NZ)
• 51% 0ff at blue lotus tattoo (hmmmm…51% – now where have I heard that before?)

So – apparantly I need to meet women, go back to school with a guy I’ve never met, spy on my friends, get a tattoo, eye surgery, a better bra, cheap drugs, and a hidden camera. Wow – maybe I should look out for a bad credit loan – I’m sure I saw one of those the other day !!!!

Advertisements

Author: Jo Bryant

I was born in the land of Banjo Paterson, gum trees, and weather extremes. I am a freelance writer. I live in the Bay of Plenty, New Zealand, but still like to claim my Australian heritage. I graduated with a Bachelor of Communications in 2008. I am writing my first novel. I love to write poetry, short stories, and also write for the web. And there is nothing that is on a par with a sunny summer's day spent at Waihi Beach.

22 thoughts on “What I learnt today from my junk mail box.”

  1. I like this Jo. I must search through my junk mail before I throw it out. Sounds like interesting stuff and I am now concerned that I have missed out on some real interesting events. Personally I wouldn’t like to go back to school with anyone.

    Like

  2. Hi Jo, I’m trying to find out when the next meeting of Pacific Poets is on. This coming weekend?? Have the place: Grindz and the exercise. No date. Can you help. Took me ages to find your blog on Google – but I finally did!! Cheers Deryn deryn@xtra.co.nz

    Like

  3. Ahh ha I see Margaret is with us. Perhaps I should take of my junk mail filter. After 7 lots of eye surgery some free ones would be great. Thank God I can still see. Deryn

    Like

  4. Jo, this IS a hoot! Thanks, it really gave me a good laugh ;-D
    I haven’t received any fodder-provoking junk mail in quite awhile (and NO spammers, I ain’t requesting that you look me up! LOL)

    I did receive a fodder-provoking comment…and well, what would I do with it?

    Write something in response of course, just like you have…tee, hee, hee!

    Must of been something circulating in the air: You got yours it seems on June 1st; I got min on May 31st. Hey wait a minute, what’s the time difference between our worlds? Maybe we actually received such fodder at the same time.

    An eery possibility!

    Like

      1. Ok, sing along with me time:
        “You say toe mah toe, and I say toe may toe…”

        ee·rie or ee·ry (îr)
        adj. ee·ri·er, ee·ri·est
        1.
        a. Inspiring inexplicable fear, dread, or uneasiness; strange and frightening.
        b. Suggestive of the supernatural; mysterious.

        Had to include the definition here. Why? Notice how the first definition I come across also makes reference to you favorite TV show…tee, hee, hee.

        Like

      2. Oh my oh my – guess you might have a point. Glad to see the word…

        And the word is: SUPERNATURAL. BTW…the daughter is now watching season 1 – I may have started something.

        This also means (yippee) she has gotten it for me !!!!

        Might have rewatch the whole season – and do a review of those earlier episodes. 🙂 🙂 🙂

        Like

  5. very funny, I laughed several times while reading. You might want to post a teaser to this over in the forums on the thread called what is the funniest spam?

    Like

  6. Haha! Honestly, the trash spam filters catch. For me, it’s usually either lottery scams or claims that I’ve been chosen to recieve millions of dollars from a deceased member of royalty who has randomly written me into their will as their final remaining relative. The typical Nigerian scams lol.
    Great post! I needed this.
    =)

    Like

  7. Here is one I had in my spam folder. Pretty funny one I thought…

    Dear Friend,

    I am Mr. Koh Beng Seng Independent Non-executive Director Chairman of Bank of China Ltd,
    Hong Kong.

    An Iraqi named Abrahem Hussein Raheem, a business man made a numbered fixed deposit of
    Sixty Five Million Five Hundred Thousand United State Dollars only in my branch. Upon maturity
    several notices was sent to him, even during the war, Five years ago (2006). Again after the
    war another notification was sent and still no response came from him. We later found out that
    Ahmed Sadoun Salih and his family had been killed during the war in Gunfire that hit their
    home at Mukaradeeb where his personal oil-well was.

    After further investigation it was also discovered that Abrahem Hussein Raheem did not declare
    any next of kin in his official papers including the paper work of his bank deposit. And he also
    confided in me the last time he was at my office that no one except me knew of his deposit in
    my bank. So, Sixty Five Million Five Hundred Thousand United State Dollars is still lying in my
    bank and no one will ever come forward to claim it. What bothers me is that according to the
    laws of my country at the expiration seven years six months the funds will revert to the
    ownership of the Hong Kong Government if nobody applies to claim the funds.

    I want to assure you that this project is real and one hundred percent risk free and does not
    relate to any breach of law or proceeds from drugs. It is a matter of necessity to contact you
    for assistance without any further investigations about your person, it is therefore necessary
    that you tell me a little about yourself, I hope no form of betrayal will be experienced in the
    course of our collaboration, I must give you my trust because this transaction is no joke and
    such opportunity comes once in a life time.

    My proposal to you is that I prepared to front you as the sole beneficiary of my deceased client
    so that i can instruct BANK OF CHINA to release the deposit to you as the closest surviving
    relation or business partner. Upon receipt of the deposit, I am prepared to share the money
    with you in half 50/50 percentage. If interested do send me your full names, current home
    address, phone number, your occupation to this email account: skohbeng@yahoo.com.hk

    Your earliest reply will be appreciated.

    Yours Truly,
    Mr. Koh Beng Seng,
    Independent Non-Executive Director
    Chairman of the Risk Committee, Hong Kong
    Email: skohbeng@yahoo.com.hk

    Like

  8. Your headline caught me. The rest is history and addiction. Don’t take this as an insult, but your writing voice reminds me of Mother Abagail Freemantle from “The Stand”–no time to chop it up, just straight-shooting wisdom coming straight fer ya’! I’m hooked on your writing!

    Like

    1. Thank you for your lovely comment – I’m glad it resonated with you. Hope you keep liking it. 🙂

      And thanks for the compliment – it’s no insult to be compared with Mother Abigail Freemantle.

      Like

There are two things I know for certain. One: Bert and Ernie are gay. Two: I want to hear your opinion.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s