Travel Theme: White

Ailsa’s theme this week is WHITE. This wee guy greets Chevvy and I often as we walk around the estuary and I wanted to share him with you.

And because it talks about vanilla sex I thought I might add my thoughts on something I read this past week.

Okay I caved and actually read this book. Have you heard the expression ‘curiosity killed the cat’?

Christian Grey. Where do I start? Fifty shades of mental illness. How on earth this guy ever got around to making $100,000.00 an hour is a miracle. He spends hours training. I mean let’s be real here. You need to be in shape to be able to smack the arse off a petite, whiny virgin, if you really want to make her run for the hills. Christian with the grey eyes. How many ways are there to describe grey eyes? A lot it seems. There’s grey, intensely grey, dark and grey, serious and grey, super grey. Need I go on?

Christian is obsessed with Ana eating. It’s a little creepy. He even puts it in the contract she must sign. Oh yes. Ana has to sign a contract of what she will and won’t do. Foods she is allowed are listed in Appendix Four. And no snacking between meals, please.

As for Ana. She ‘rolls her eyes’ 25 times throughout the book. A little dangerous doing that, as Christian thinks that is an over the knee spanking offence. Then there is Ana’s inner goddess, who glares, is thrilled, dances, nods, jumps, stops jumping, glows, is surprised, is pleased, is not pleased, smacks her lips, does back flips, bounces, wakes, pleads, stares open mouthed, prostrates herself, spins, has a do not disturb sign on her door, is beside herself, grins, pouts, scowls, basks, gazes, swoons, is hopeful, and she also drove me to drink.

Repetition, repetition, repetition. Using my kindle search tool I discovered that Ana flushes exactly 100 times. There’s actually a whole lot of religion in the book. 39 holy shits, 30 holy craps and 18 holy fucks.

There is so much wrong with this book I don’t really know where to start the criticism. Although I could start with the fact the main character is a girl with silver balls in her vagina getting spanked and seemingly enjoying herself, who squirms under people’s gazes and says jeez 81 times. This same girl spends her time hooking up with an Adonis who has a red room of pain, won’t let anyone touch certain areas of his body and wants to turn this little virgin in to his own personal submissive.

Let me warn you. It is a wasted couple of hours that you will NEVER get back. I actually finished it because I wanted–I don’t know what I wanted. Maybe to be able to say I’d been to literary hell and back. These are two of the most annoying characters I have ever come across. Seriously, don’t waste your time. I’d rather have gone to the dentist.

Article first published as Book Review: Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James on Blogcritics.

***

As Cheryl has kindly asked after Jackie, I just want to mention that my beautiful Jackie is doing better. She is still on a low fat diet. We are treating her as if she has pancreatitis. Which means a low fat diet forever. They only way to know for sure are hugely expensive tests or treat her for it by adjusting her diet. She’s a big girl so can afford to lose a little weight. And I was switching her over to the raw food diet anyways, so I don’t mind that.

They still don’t know for sure what was wrong, and she has to go back for FIV tests again in 60 days just to be sure.

She sends you all her thanks for all the wonderful well wishes, hugs and head pats !!!!

***

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45 thoughts on “Travel Theme: White”

  1. So funny Jo! I bought this book not knowing what it was about but looking for a quick read. I read four or five pages and returned it. My husband thought it so humorous! How this kind of crap sells and sells well frightens me. Thanks for clarifying what it is about! Lol!

  2. Ah you had me in stitches and have clearly saved me from the hell of reading the book. Every time it hits the press I think I should, now I know I don’t have to. Clearly Ana isn’t menopausal as 100 flushes isn’t much for a book length if you’re me! Gorgeous dog. How’s Jackie?

  3. At least we got to read a funny review :-) I had been warned by my daughter already. She was so paranoid her kids would lay their hands on it, she kept it under lock and key!
    Great to hear Jackie is feeling better. Hope she takes to her new diet well.

  4. I´ve read the book too, and I agree with you Jo – it´s hardly a literary masterpiece. I found the repetitive phrases extremely boring and quite irritating. Frankly, if it weren´t for the titilation, I´d be amazed if any publisher would touch it with a barge pole!

    Glad to hear Jackie is on the mend and I love your photo of the little white dog :)

  5. Thanks for the save. The book keeps popping up here and there and I keep thinking I should buy it. Won’t think that anymore!
    Love the little white dog, what a cutie.
    As for Jackie…I will say a thank you to St. Francis.

  6. Thanks for saving me from that book, too. As it kept popping up, I wondered if it was worth reading. Thanks to your diligence and stamina, you’ve saved many of us from a miserable fate. And, yes, adorable little white dog.

  7. This is the best book review I’ve ever read and presided over by a lovely westie! This book sounds appalling and i had already decided that I might buy one of the millions that will be n the charity shops for 20p in a few months if I had time to read it. Now I won’t even do that unless I know of anyone short of kindling!

  8. Chevvy has the most adorable little face. Glad to hear that Jackie is doing much better. :) That must make you very happy. I’m not even tempted to waste a couple of hours reading the book, but thanks for the warning, Jo. :lol:

    1. Always happy to help people avoid fates worse than death. This wee doggie isn’t my Chevvy…just a friend we chat to on our daily walk around the estuary….but it does have a gorgeous wee face.

    1. Oh God Tom…go on Amazon and there are thousands…yes thousands of people who have given it 5 stars. Well I want to know what they were smoking ???? It is gladdening to see her improving. I hate the fur babies being sick…just hate it.

  9. Your little doggy friend is super cute Jo. Thanks for the review of 50 Shades – I was curious after hearing sooooo many people talk about it and read about the first 3 pages but was bored silly and never got back to it so I won’t bother now!

    1. Thanks Georgia. I had decided I was going to review it so I pushed on to the end…which seemed a very long time in coming. If you really want to read a FANTASTIC book. Get yourself a copy of ON THE ISLAND by TRACEY GARVIS-GRAVES. I am going to review it soon but it is the BEST book I have read all year. And I love the back story. She could not get a publisher to touch it because of the subject matter apparently. Self published. It went viral on Goodreads because of the reviews it was getting and now she has a publishing deal for her next work and a movie deal.

  10. “You need to be in shape to be able to smack the arse off a petite, whiny virgin, if you really want to make her run for the hills.”
    HILARIOUS!!
    Glad to hear Jackie is doing better!

  11. Literary hell and back…I so want to read this just to find out how bad it is. But I don’t have a couple of hours to lose right now.

    I love the Westie. They are amazing dogs–I used to have two and loved them. Yeah for Jackie! I hope she keeps improving!

  12. Loved your book review. A friend gave me the book and I just cannot finish it, it is that annoying. I feel that I should finish it just so that I can tell people I have read it and it really is the worst book I have ever read but I think I may drag it out over a century as I can only take so much of it at a time and the repetition is killing me, even the word choice – has she not heard of a thesaurus??Strangely my friend liked it and she is a very sane and extremely intelligent person and she admitted it was extremely badly written but she still enjoyed it which I just don’t get but one thing I have noticed with this book is that its an all or nothing book – there are no in-betweens, either you hate it or love it and I just hate it :-)

  13. Aw, is that Chevvy’s BOYFRIEND? :D If so, she has excellent taste. Thanks for the heads up about the book. We got it at work and it has been making the rounds, of course, with everyone being curious. Me, personally, smut doesn’t do much for me, but hey, whatever trips your trigger, eh? No secret that “sex sells” and apparently, it doesn’t even have to be GOOD sex or well-described sex for it to sell…pretty sad that the lowest common denominator of reader rates this at 5 stars, enough to vault it into “best-seller-dom”. On the flip side, that just means writers like you and I with MUCH better stories have a better than average chance of getting published sooner. :) So cheer up! If people are willing to plunk down their money for this kind of stuff, just imagine how rich you’ll be once YOU get published, Jo!

    1. I’m not really sure if it is male or female. Saw the wee doggie again today in the same spot and tried to peek…no go. As for the book. If she had said about him touching her down there one more time I would have screamed. As for me…we’ll see. Never say never I guess. ;)

  14. Very cute doggie! Glad you wrote this…not that it will convince a lot of people not to read this book! I wish it would. I haven’t read it, but from what I’ve heard about it, I have no desire to. You have confirmed that for me as I trust your opinion. :-)

  15. Ahh, I finally read Fifty Shades, and yes, lots of repetition, and not a literary masterpiece, but I am one of those who enjoyed it. I think if you read it for something other than mild entertainment then of course you won’t enjoy it. I understand why you don’t like it, no issue on that, but I read the three in two days.

    1. I did read all three. And I salute EL James for tapping the market like she did…but I hated the way the books were written and more to the point edited.

There are two things I know for certain. One: Bert and Ernie are gay. Two: I want to hear your opinion.

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